What are connection questions?

Instead of the usual surface-level questions like “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” which people commonly ask when meeting new people at a mingling event or a party, here are examples of more interesting questions for creating a deeper connection between people. Of course, you only offer the question, but the other person does not have to answer, whether because they don’t feel comfortable to answer them, or for any other reason.

Personality, Values, Beliefs

  • What are your special talents?
  • What is one personality quality you would like to develop and nurture in yourself?
  • What is one thing that in the past you felt embarrassed to do but no longer feel embarrassed to do?
  • What are one or two of your most important values?
  • Do you have any spiritual beliefs or views? What are they?

Good heart

  • In what ways do you make other people’s lives better?
  • Share about a situation where you helped a stranger.

Desires

  • What do you do to feel enjoyment, fun, joy? How do you pamper yourself?
  • What are your dreams, longings, aspirations, desires?
  • Describe a perfect day with all the little details - what happens in it?
  • If you had 10 million USD and you wouldn’t ever have to work in your life, what would you do with your life?
  • If you could replicate yourself into several copies of yourself, what would the other copies do that now you don’t have time to do?
  • If you were holding Aladdin’s lamp right now and a genie came out and granted you any wishes you wanted, what wishes would you make for your life?
  • When you were a child, what did you want to want to become when you grew up?
  • What would you like to happen at this moment?
  • Describe a past experience in your life where you felt joy, enthusiasm, fun, or delight
  • What activities make you feel enjoyment, fun, delight, joy?

Connection

  • Do you like or prefer small talk? Or deep conversations?
  • What makes you feel connected to another person?
  • Have you ever met someone and had a really good connection pretty quickly? What made it happen?
  • Ask me a question about something you’re curious about about me
  • What is the thing you’d most like to know about me?
  • What is one thing you like in a first date?
  • On a first date, do you like when you’re being asked a lot of questions as it makes you feel the other person is interested in you? Or does it make you feel nervous like you’re undergoing an interrogation?
  • If you could ask me to do anything for you right now, and I granted your request - what would you ask for?

Mindfulness

  • How do you feel in your body at this moment?
    • Where is there a pleasant feeling?
    • Where is there discomfort?

Advanced questions

These are questions that usually require as a prerequisite a higher level of connection, comfort, and trust between people. You can still offer to ask them when meeting someone new, but often the other person may reply that they would need to establish more connection with you before feeling comfortable to answer. However, instead of answering the question directly, you can offer the other person to share what they feel or are concerned about in reply to being asked the question.

  • What action does your partner do that makes you feel really loved, or really good, safe, pleasant?
  • What is your “love language” i.e. which of the following is critical for you to feel loved?
    • Words of affirmation: Showing love through verbal appreciation, compliments, and encouragement.
    • Quality time: Showing love by giving undivided attention, engaging in meaningful conversations, and participating in various activities together.
    • Gifts: Showing love through thoughtful and meaningful gifts that symbolize appreciation and affection.
    • Acts of service: Showing love by performing various tasks that are helpful and ease the partner’s burdens.
    • Physical touch: Showing love through physical gestures such as hugging, kissing, and holding hands among others.
  • Of the types of touch: earth, air, water, fire - which type of touch do you like the most?
    • Earth: Grounding touch, e.g. just placing hands in one place without moving, with a slight pressure
    • Air: Light, gentle, fluttering touch, almost unnoticeable
    • Water: Flowing, e.g. slow stroking where the full palm touches the body
    • Fire: Intense, strong, squeezing, pressure
  • We are all fucked up in one way or another. So what the hell is wrong with you? 😉
  • What is something you feel embarrassed about?
  • What is something you did which you don’t tell people about for fear of being criticized? (The asker should convince you they will not criticize you for it)
  • Describe a time in your past when you had a PEAK experience, the STRONGEST ever feelings of joy, enthusiasm, pleasure, fun, delight
  • Share about a fantasy you have. It may be a completely unrealistic fantasy e.g. walking on the surface of another planet, or something that theoretically could be experienced in this life but may be very difficult to attain.
  • When you are physically intimate with someone, what is one thing they do that makes you feel super turned on and excited?

More

If you have more ideas for such questions, please do send us a message!

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